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01:59pm 05/08/2003
mood: calm
If there's anyone who hasn't been added to the friends list of my new journal and wants to be, drop me a line, eh?

(14 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"Sweet dreams are made of these..."   
10:51pm 25/07/2003
mood: curious
New username suggestions? A few I've thought of:


(34 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

07:48pm 15/07/2003
mood: Crampy
*yawn* I'm sleepy...I got my period today, after waiting for it about five months. No wonder I've been so teary, lately!

Raymond called last night, as has become one of his idiosyncrasies. =) I'm beginning to worry that his parents might not be nearly as enthusiastic about me once they see the phone bill...but I've offered to help pay for it, since I have money and it takes two to talk, anyway. =P

I guess Kevin got arrested because when the police stopped and searched him (which they had no legitimate reason to do in the first place, as it was only 8:00 pm and not nearly close to curfew), they found marijuana and morphine pills on him, as well as his cigarettes. He only spent the night in jail, though. Seriously though, he really needs to un-fuck himself over. He could get fired from one or both of his jobs if they did a surprise drug test.

Speaking of drug tests, Raymond had to take one so he could get a job at Winn-Dixie. Golly gee, I can't wait until the day comes when I get to piss in a cup to get a job! They asked him stupid, obvious questions like "Do you think it's wrong to steal little things?" or "Have you ever taken money from someone without asking?". Any dumbnuts could have passed, even if they lied about every single question. Then again...$6.00 and hour adds up. =)

He's also going to be able to drive soon. He once told me that sometimes he gets nervous when he drives because one of his past girlfriends got killed in a car accident about 2 years ago. ='( From what I can tell, she was probably the last girlfriend he had that actually cared about him (besides me, that is). So I speak of her with respect.

Oh boy...period cramps...*wince*. I'm going to take some Tylenol and try and give Raymond a ring. =)

Y*blows Raymond lots of kisses*Y

(11 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

*poke* Ouch! *...poke* OUCH! Stop poking my sunburn, asshole!   
05:29pm 14/07/2003
mood: weird

I got a sunburn today...='( It doesn't hurt or anything (it isn't really that severe) but I just don't like it. My once wax-doll skin is now a blotchy burn-pink, and it will probably take forever for it to go back the way it was. I hope it does at least before I go home and Raymond sees me looking like a walking bottle of pukey-pink Pepto Bismal. *le weep* Then again, it would be wonderful if Raymond were here to kiss every sore inch of my sunburnt flesh...*ecstatic, shivery sigh*

On a brighter note (no pun intended), I found out today that Jason thinks Logan is useless. Seems John and Curtis do, too. Honestly, I do a better job of keeping an eye on the little rascals than she does, and that's just sad. Hey, maybe they'll realize I'd make the better couselor and give me her paycheck. =P Yes, keep dreaming, Emily...no new clothes for me this year. You see, this is why I have to make trash glamour...glamourous. =P

My grammy took me and my brother to McDonald's for breakfast this morning. =) I had pancakes. I'm beginning to suspect that those pancakes were the reason I came back from here without a waistline last year (I've since hauled-ass to the Wellness Center and got it back, thank goth), so I'd better be cautious. Grammy gave me this really beautiful silver ring with a silvery-onyx stone, so that was neat. I'm getting all kinds of jewelry up here, first the ankh, and now this ring. =P

*rubs aloe on my sunburn*

I think I'll go back to fantasizing about Raymond giving me all those healing kisses. ; )

(18 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

12:52pm 13/07/2003
mood: bouncy

More gloomy Gloomcookie goodnessCollapse )

(7 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"Just Sleep, Somehow..."   
08:13pm 12/07/2003
mood: sleepy
Yay! I called Raymond! I guess he called on Thursday and was informed by my stepmom that I wasn't home. And here I was, worried that he'd feel forgotten when he knew the whole time! XD So anyway...we just...talked. =) I guess he's going to have to cut his hair for his job. =\ Man, I love his hair long...but I'm sure he'll be just as pretty with short hair, too. =) I've seen him with shorter hair before, so it probably won't come as much of a shock. =P We were both yawning a lot, and I said that a Raymond pillow would be nice to have...so taking a nap together is among our plans for when I get back. ; ) *squee!* I can't wait! =D
He was also all "Oooooh, aaaaaah" when I told him that I shaved my legs. I think I should wear a really short skirt and sexy high-heels for him one of these days. ; ) He saw Alyssa at the movies, so now Alyssa knows I'm going out with him. She told him that "everyone knew I liked him except him". =P

Grr...why the Hell do people up here seem to think I have an infinite amount of time to do my nails? They keep pushing me to redo them.

"What the fuck? They're forcing you to do your nails?!" - Raymond

*le sigh* ...one thing Raymond told me kind of really upset me, though. I guess he lit up again, and then "quit" again. Said that his body rejects it, but still...he told me he would quit and then did it again. ='( I mean, I'm sure it's incredibly hard to quit smoking, but you shouldn't tell someone you're going to do something if you aren't, especially if that someone really has faith in you to do it. I don't entirely blame him, though. Practically all of his friends smoke, and so far he's been really good about abstaining. So, I don't know. It hurt my feelings, even though he obviously didn't do it to hurt me.

Speaking of feelings, I've been really weepy and emotional, lately. I'm not exactly sure why...most likely, it's just a sign my period is on it's way. That, and the cramps. =P I'm so sleepy...I slept the whole afternoon, and now I wanna go back to bed again. *yawn* I think I will. =)

Y*blows sweet-dreams filled kisses to Raymond*Y Sleep well. =)

(10 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"Science fiction...double feature..."   
01:37pm 12/07/2003
mood: giggly
Eee! Look at the lovely Icon, made for me by grac3land! XD

(3 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"I've got a wet, warm, cling-film, red velvet crush on you..."   
11:00am 12/07/2003
mood: mellow
Y*Blows big, fat, chocolate-covered kisses to Raymond*Y

(Take me to bed)

"I sense there's something in the wind..."   
10:44pm 11/07/2003
mood: pleased
Check out the lovely new icon. =) It was made by sicklypretty.

(13 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"Tie your mother to the ground, watch her frown as her face turns blue..."   
07:44pm 11/07/2003
mood: anxious

*le weep*

I called Raymond's house, only to be informed by some stranger that he wasn't home. Eep...*tears up* I miss my Raymond...where is my Raymond? I have that feeling you get right before you start crying over something that feels silly to be crying over. Still, I really miss him. =( How am I supposed to offer him pants-creaming Emily love when he isn't home? Grr...maybe if Liane wasn't talking on the phone for a bajillion years I'd have been able to get ahold of him.

*sighs and mutters*

I want to do something special for him when I get home...any suggestions would be welcome. =D I want it to be something really good. =)

Y*blows a flood of kisses Raymond's way*Y

I'm going to make that a ritual every time I update.

(9 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"It's you that I adore..."   
10:08pm 10/07/2003
mood: sleepy
Oh man, I feel so bad. I told Raymond yesterday that I'd call him today, but as soon as I got home, my Aunt came to get me to see this play. I just got home, and now it's 10:30, too late to call him. =( I hope he didn't feel like I forgot about him... If he were here right now, I'd probably be hugging him so tight he couldn't breathe and saying "I'm sorry! Please don't think I forgot you!" over and over again. =X I am definitely calling him tomorrow as soon as the clock hits 7:00 pm to explain my absence.

I wish he were here so I could hug him. You know, we haven't really kissed, yet. I mean, he's sort of kissed me a little in the past, but not on the lips...but if the way he's kissed me before is any indication (very softly & gently & nice), I bet he's good at it. But don't tell him I told you. ; )

*blows kisses to Raymond* Sweet dreams, m'love. =)

(8 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"Hello mother...hello father...I am here at...Camp Granadda..."   
08:21pm 09/07/2003
mood: I have to pee
So, camp has been okay so far. The kids are fairly well-behaved. It's the counselors *coughLOGANcough* that have been anal to me, lately. I guess Logan has a problem with the way I dress (of course, as irony would have it, this is coming from someone who's shorts look like a handkerchief jammed up her ass). Natalie said she was talking about me right before I arrived this morning. >=( But Natalie told her to piss off. =) Well, in not so many words, of course. ; )

She (Logan) also seems to think it bothers me when she tries to get me to participate in games or activities that I appear to not be involved in. She makes it painfully obvious that she's trying to make me angry (especially when she calls "Your turn, Emily!" when I'm sitting in a corner drawing on the opposite end of the gym), but most of the time I don't really mind doing activities with the kids. She got me to play this game where you jump through a rolling hula-hoop onto a pile of mats, and everyone was cheering me on, so I did it a few times. After I felt like I was going to faint from the rapid rush of blood to my face upon impact after so many times, I decided to sit out my turn. She kept pushing me to take another go at it (even though there was a whole line of kids behind me who hadn't got a chance yet). I was about ready to fist fuck her in the mouth.

Later, she tried to get me to do an obstacle course. I was fine stepping in and out of the line of tires, I weaved around the cones gracefully, I rolled down the pile of mats with ease, and then I came to the tubular-type thing I had to crawl through. It looked too small, but I tried anyway. I actually got through fine...however, my skirt didn't. It must have gotten caught on something in the tube, so I emerged skirtless. Oddly enough, I wasn't the least bit embarrassed...my first thought was "Serves you right for making me run this stupid obstacle course. How do you like your reward, asshole? I hope my white ass blinds you!". Needless to say, I finished the obstacle course without my skirt. XD

At the end of the day, I found this little silver ankh lying in the dirt. I mean, how awesome is that?

Anyway...so I got home and RAYMOND CALLED! =D I miss Raymond so veddy much. I am going to give him so much lovin' when I get home it's not even funny! I'm gonna hug him, and kiiiiiiiiss him, and...and...other sorts of "I'm giving you lots of Emily-love" type things. =) I'm going to make him cream his pants with Emily love! XD

So, yeah. That's today's update, since I have to pee really bad, and then do the dishes, both of which must not be delayed any longer!

(9 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

Oh joy.   
02:33pm 06/07/2003
mood: amused
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Last time I took this, I was lustful. =P

(17 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"You've torn apart my paper heart..."   
01:04pm 06/07/2003
mood: blah
I miss Raymond. =( He is going to have to give me so much lovin' when I get back!

Hmm...I think I'll go write some angsty poetry.

(3 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"I am sitting like a cyst on the Greensward Grey..."   
12:44pm 06/07/2003
mood: Sing-songy
"Greensward Grey" - Cinema Strange

There is blood on the hooves of the fawns on the Greensward Grey for they tread through the gristle on the lawn today!
Don't they see the roseate faces of my wives
as they lay, disemboweled, on the Greensward Grey?

This park is rank and slippery!
Skip and watch the kite tails, don't trip on the entrails!
White, and ligamental blossoms jutting from the earth...
when have toadstools ever grown toenails?

These brains are old and tired
but they have not forgotten
my harem from decades past
sundry screams for the beast in the backseat!

Springtime is mythical, blood can be pastoral brushed-on and painted after they've fainted! Pan-goats are criminal! Hairy backs and abyssmal breath like a brown bog, swamp-soaked and wet dog!

There is one woman walking on the Greensward Grey
but I feel she'll be followed by a friend or three!
Don't they see the pink-spittle coating on my teeth
that will seal every kiss from my lips today!

I could classify dead, hooved animals!
I could catalog female corpses!
But cattarh ruins my breath when
grasses reach and start my ending!
I could classify! I could catalog!

I am sitting like a cyst on the Greensward Grey
and my god! there are satyrs who are damp and fey!
Iron-shod and so hysterical!
They lose themselves like dripping red fauna!

And results to a NIN quiz thingieCollapse )

I need new music and miss a lot of my old music.

(8 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

Better than LJ drama   
01:57pm 05/07/2003
mood: cynical
I was looking through some photos from my eighth grade year, when I came across one of this girl Danylle. Ugh.

If ever you had to pick just one person to call a histrionic attention-whore, make it her. This girl spouted more BS than Bush. According to her (remember the BS factor), she had about 10 past boyfriends who died in some way or other. One "got hit by a truck", one got "shot in a school shooting and died in her arms" (funny, you'd think it'd have been on the news), etc, etc. Had to have her stomach pumped a bunch of times, too...she "tried to commit suicide a lot". She ran away because "her foster mom was a bitch" (when asked about it, she said that her foster mom wouldn't let her do stuff like go out past 11:00 PM, call some guy in Liverpool...). Yeah, real good reason to "spend the night sleeping on someone's porch" during the freezing Florida night. Not to mention she claimed to have sex with some different guy every week (oh, but she was in love with them all!). She also said that she'd slept with this guy Adler, and was carrying around the condom wrapper and showing it to anyone who passed by. Adler denied it, and even if he did sleep with her, that's no reason to carry around the condom wrapper and show it to everyone.

Gah. Call me mean for saying all those things, but really. If someone is going to move to your city from someplace else and start telling all these crap stories (especially if, for some reason they were true, wouldn't end up contradicting eachother constantly), you've gotta quit having pity for them at some point.

Here, Danylle. *plays the world's saddest song on the world's smallest violin, just for you*

(21 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

Er...Happy Fourth of July? =\   
10:50am 04/07/2003
mood: horny
Well, we can't flush the toilet or use any water because we're draining the tank. Isn't that just lovely. Looks like I won't be taking any showers in the near future. =\

*yawn* I just got up. Maybe I'll go back to sleep, or finish writing that letter to Raymond. =) *glee!* He is so smart, and talented, and selfless, and kind, and amazing, and sweet, and wonderful, and beautiful! =D I'll have to put up a picture or two of him so everyone can get an eyeful of "WOW!". XD

Hmm...I'm surprised. It's been three days here, and I haven't seen CJ (Craig Junior!) or Brooke, yet. They are my younger cousins. I think CJ must be 13, now...he and I, while being interested in completely different things, always manage to have a fairly good time. I'm definitely not an outdoors-y type, but he always ends up talking me into going into the woods or rowing out into the pond in a rowboat. Must be something endearing about a short, chubby kid with hair like Eminem, glasses, and an accent that makes the word "bar" sound like "bah".

I might as well use some of that $80 I have to buy a disposable camera and take pictures of my icky, makeupless, self. It'll be more fun than a barrell of vozhds.

Psssht. My stepmom just bitched at me for throwing my TP in the trash instead of in the toilet (the sign on the toilet-seat that read "DO NOT FLUSH THE TOILET" couldn't possibly have given the impression that the toilet might have been clogged, could it? Silly me). Honestly, how little of a life does someone have to have to count the wads of TP in the toilet to make sure that everyone who took a piss put their TP in there? Frikkin' A.

I should probably go and eat breakfast, as I haven't done so yet. Funny how the thought of breakfast comes right after talking about used TP. =P Au Reviour.

(7 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

12:11pm 02/07/2003
mood: loved
Looks like I'd better document everything that has happened in the past two days before I forget.

Monday night:

I spent the evening with Raymond. =D We walked around the Belltower shops, and then over to Barnes and Noble, where we looked around at the music selection but were mostly disappointed with it. Saw some CDs by an artist named "Bruce Cockburn". That would really suck to have a name like that. =P So we left the music section and I ran into my 8th grade History teacher and his wife. They asked me if I was still writing, and when I said "yes", they told me how much they'd enjoyed it. I then reminded them of the time I wrote this really effed-up story about a day in the life of someone who lived in colonial times, which involved the guy licking floors clean for 2 cents, getting shot in the ass by his mother, and then decapitating his mother for shooting him in the ass. The whole time Raymond looked like he was trying to hold back from snickering, and just as we said goodbye to them, I caught a fleeting glance of a System of a Down hoodie and what looked like the back of Daryl's head. Raymond and I wandered into the children's book section, and then set off to peek around for Daryl when everything started becoming pinker and we ran into children's bible stories. Turns out, it really was Daryl and her mother (Daryl's skin looks like it's clearing up. That was completely random, but it was the first thing I noticed about her). They were there to buy the new Harry Potter book. So we talked with them for a few minutes until Raymond mentioned something in a conversation about rap (something about "a pussy in a band-aid"), and Daryl's mom kinda told him off. =P Nicely, of course. We then left, and made a stop in Target so Raymond could get a Mountain Dew, aka, "God in a Bottle". (Raymond made some huge gesture when the automatic doors opened, and I was all "Wow! It's Jesus!"). We walked back to The Bell Tower after that, and I mentioned something about me being a cat in a past life. Raymond didn't know what he was in a past life, so I guessed that he might've been a scarecrow. =) As soon as we had crossed the street, he reminded me of why we were there in the first place, which was I was supposed to tell him about Gergely.

Raymond: Don't think I've forgotten...(grin)
Me: I thought you forgot! (grin also)

He got me coffee at this place called Blackhawk's (Awwww...=D!) and we went out and sat at one of those obnoxiously small tables to talk. And so, I told him everything...he didn't laugh or pry, or anything...just listened. Let me tell you, getting it out of my system made me feel a whole lot better. =) He told me a little bit about Christina (aka, Evil Con Carne!). He didn't think that she was bad, just that the relationship was. Understandable, I guess. Then he lit up. =( He apologized for it and then put his head on the table and said "I guess I am addicted". I didn't know what to say... I'm not sure how it got to where it did, but he said something about maybe if he had a girlfriend, he'd have a reason to quit.

Me: Hey, I'd be your girlfriend if it would keep you from smoking...

Him: Well, wouldn't that be for all the wrong reasons...

Me: No, it wouldn't.

At that point, there really wasn't any other way to go, so I told him how I felt about him, and how I'd liked him since the beginning of the year and that I wanted to make him happy. He just kinda looked at me...told me he really didn't know what to say, and that it was kind of a shock. He seemed happy about it, though. =) I asked if he thought he was ready for a relationship after Christina, to which he said yes, but he seemed more worried about me being ready. I told him I was, and it was true. He asked how Amanda might feel, and I told him that she and I had talked about it a bit and decided that it's better to be friends than rivals.

He then dropped his cigarrette to the ground and I walked over and crushed it under my heel. =D It was like "wow"...XD So now, I guess we're boi and grrl. =) I told him I'd call him and write to him from here (I need his street address, though). And I hope I can make him feel happy and adored and all those other things that Kevin always seems to have that he doesn't. That's another thing I like about Raymond...even when his best friend always seems to get attention, he's completely selfless about it, and still cares for Kevin regardless of anything. He's just...such a genuinely good person.

Wow, long-ass entry...well, yesterday I basically spent the whole day on airplanes. The end. =P

(17 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

11:38am 30/06/2003
mood: excited
Well, last night I was cleaning my ear piercings, and I lost one of the little screw-on ball things to one of my barbells, so I had to venture to find new earrings. In my closet, no less. And surprisingly, I found some. I also found this book called Speak, and started reading it. Stupid me, not knowing when to quit, read until I finished it, around 5:00 AM. *yaaaaaaaaaaawn*
So then I went to bed and woke up around 10:30. Not as tired as I thought. =)

Raymond is supposed to call me today, and see if we can go somewhere before I leave. This of course, depends on whether my mom says yes or no, how late it is, the location, whether I'm packed up to leave for tomorrow, et cetera. But if I can go, Raymond told me he'd get me coffee! YES! COFFEE! He knows how to bribe, that's for sure. =P See, Raymond wants me to tell him about Gergely, and I don't really feel comfortable telling him over the phone, due to lack of privacy. I feel kinda guilty at the prospect of loading my burdens onto him (on top of all the other ones he's got on his shoulders), but I doubt he'll just let me off that easy. Hehe...I feel like one of the Anne Rice vampires dictating my life story to David Talbot. =P I feel bad for Amanda, though. =( She, like me, is in love with the idea of love. =) She and I are pretty much in the same boat on a lot of levels, so I think it's better that we're friends and not rivals. Coming together is so much better than being alone with your troubles.

So those are pretty much my plans for the day. Hopefully I get to see Raymond, it would be nice to see him before I had to leave to get my..."sanity tested", as it were. Liane has informed me I get to help her weed the garden when I go up. Oh joy. Actually, I like the idea of gardening, maybe she'll have some more of those darling black pansies this year. =) If she does, I'll be sure to take pictures of them. Oh, and I'm pretty sure she has a digital camera, so yay for that! =D

Hmm...better start packing so I stand some chance of getting to see Raymond tonight (and maybe get COFFEE!). =) I'll probably update on occasion, but don't expect to hear from me too frequently this summer. Andi, I'll email you. If any of my other online brothers and sisters (Sage, Francis, Rayna, etc.), or anyone else, would like me to email them while I'm in Maine, just leave your email address in a comment and I'll be sure to keep in touch with you all. =)

(6 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)

"Playgirl, why are you sleeping in tomorrow's world? Hey playgirl."   
10:36am 29/06/2003
mood: happy
So I called Raymond last night at around 9:45 PM, and we ended up talking until past 1:00 AM. The conversation ranged from things as trivial as Amish gangs battling lesbian pirates with asthma, to Kevin's past (which was really sad, I'm surprised he can put up such a normal facade to the world) and the things Raymond looked for in a mate (sex is probably the last thing on his mind. He really just wants someone to love him and just do all those little romantic things that mean a lot). He wants to know what Gergely's done to upset me so much, but I don't know if I'm really ready to tell him just yet. *shrug* I really wish I wasn't leaving for Maine on Tuesday, I wanted to meet up with him to go someplace where we could talk. Hehe...he said he'd reserve Monday just for me. =) I dunno if I'd be able to do anything, though...ah, well. It couldn't hurt to give it a try. =P He also insists that I be in a band and do something musical. =) He's even got a band picked out for me made up of people who didn't quite make the cut for the band he's in. Hehe...I'm liking this kid more and more. *le sigh* Poor Raymond...he has to play Mommy to everyone. You know, if London After Midnight ever comes to Florida, I'm gonna have to take him with me to see them. Kevin too, and maybe Amanda, Kat and Alyssa.

So, anyway...yeah, I'm kind of on a rambling spree. =) Pardon me.

Since I can't really think of much else to say (or that I really want to say), I'll leave off here.

Oh! This is for Andi and/or FrancisCollapse )

(8 ripped me apart | Take me to bed)